Who we want to see in Super Smash Bros. Strife

No, fear not; you have not accidentally wandered into the list-littered minefield of Kotaku, fortunately for you. However, it is with a certain sense of disappointment and guilt that I present to you, my readers, a list of sorts. Inevitably, a new Smash Bros. game attracts a ridiculous amount of hype, speculation and sheer fanboy-founded fervour, and we couldn’t help but get the train rolling – in no particular order, here is our character wishlist for the rumoured Super Smash Bros. Strife.

Super Smash Bros. is the industry’s best example of pure, unadulterated fan service, and it all starts with the characters. The game works because it’s a miraculous montage of some of the world’s most recognised faces, mixed with a myriad of lesser-known, but still just-as-loved characters, all united by one common interest – kicking the living daylights out of each other. So, who, other than the 35-man-roster from Brawl, would we like to see occupy all that extra disc space? Remember, variety is the spice of life.

Don’t be fooled by his nerdy demeanour; armed with a positively badass katana beam, a badass hairdo and a pair of badass shades, this Otaku badass means business. Badass business. From the brilliant mind of Suda 51, Travis Touchdown of No More Heroes fame is our number one contender. With an awesome art style, Travis would not only look right at home in the frantic free-for-all that is Super Smash Bros., but he’d also give those other pesky swordsmen a run for their money as well.

Did we mention he’s a total badass? We did? Oh. Okay then.

Another one that fits right into the badass category is Jack from MadWorld. Look at him. He’s smoking a cigarette. In black and white. That’s not only cool in France, people; it’s cool everywhere. Do you know where else it’d be cool? In Super Smash Bros. He’s got a chainsaw strapped to his arm. Even Fred Durst wouldn’t mess with this geezer in fear of having his arse skinned raw. Again, this Capcom creation boasts a unique art style that would add a bit of visual splendour to proceedings – if any more was needed – while also bringing something to the table that the series arguably lacks. Brutality.

Did we mention he’s got a chainsaw strapped to his arm? We did? Oh. Okay then.

She’s a Goddess, she’s a wolf and she’s from Okami. Enough said. What? You want more? Tough crowd. Well then, apart from being another aesthetically gorgeous piece from that artistic bunch at Capcom, Amaterasu is at once a gentle and caring soul, a benevolent Goddess and, most importantly, a fearsome warrior. With her inclusion, she would present the opportunity for a genuinely beautiful and creative stage, and some of the best music ever burned to disc.

Did we mention she’s a Goddess? We did? Oh. Okay then.

Another one for fans of brilliant videogame music; Blob, from THQ’s 2008 quirky Wii platformer de Blob, may, at first glance, appear to simply be a blob of paint. Look deeper though, and you’ll find tha-. Okay, no, he really is just a conscious, sentient blob of mastic composition, but he’s still a pretty awesome chap. He has the ability to change the physical appearance – namely, the colour – of anything he touches, which could make for some pretty cool-looking effects.

Did we mention he’s a blob of paint? We did? Well then, I appear to be suffering from some form of anterograde amnesia.

Another character from Capcom, another character from an AAA game – that is, Aesthetically and Artistically Awesome. With this little guy, the clue is in the name. Would you really want to battle against Mega Man? Really? For those of you who are out of the loop, ‘Mega’ falls somewhere between ‘Super’ and ‘Uber’ in the Official Adjectives Rankings 2011. Do you understand what that means? It means Mega Man is more of a badass than Superman. If that isn’t reason enough, then frankly, you’re batshit insane.

That about wraps it up for characters. In hindsight, I guess I’m just a sucker for some quality art design, but after all, Super Smash Bros. is definitely a clash of wildly varying styles, so shaking it up a bit further surely can’t hurt.

And no, we don’t want Cloud fucking Strife.

– Rory

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10 Responses

  1. Hahaha, good to see you let your humor come out in this post. A very amusing read this one, especially that last line!

    Bravo.

  2. That last line caused me to spit my drink out.

    Bravo indeed.

  3. horrible people because they arent nintendo owned, neither is snake or sonic and i didnt really like those additions because of it.

    they need to add isaac from golden sun, felix from golden sun, little mac, king hippo, and others similiar…

  4. ahem im not tryin to be a dick or anything but you do realize snake was NINTENDO-GROWN so STFU bout their not “nintendo owned” hes owned by a company (KONAMIIII WOOHOO :D). Therefore he cud be f-in used in MK if they want to but where did he go…..Home where he belongs
    But other than that great list really hopin for travis T

    PS. as for sonic… wellll lets just say sonic fought a fat italian plumber from the Nintendo universe on a lil planet called consolia. It did not end well for him, sonic from the sega universe failed his people as the sega universe died the time for the italian plumber to take over planet consolia has begun…..but not without a fight.
    *Sackboy enters*

  5. This is a good list. I’m glad to see other people wanting Jack and Blob. And I’m happy that you didn’t put in Cloud (freaking douchebag) or Ridley. Good on yah!

  6. Krystal. I wanna see Krystal, and not in those flight suits either. I wanna see her as she was in Star Fox Adventures, Dangit.

  7. Yes!! I really want krystal in ssb! she is my favorite female video game character! she deserves to be in smash bros!

  8. my wish list
    1. Knuckles
    2. Ryu (street fighters)
    3. Zoruark or Blaziken
    4. Mega Man
    5. Dante
    6. Wolf Link and Midna
    7. Majora’s Mask Link w/ Deku, Goron and Zora transformations

  9. Olympus Pen E-PL2…

    […]Who we want to see in Super Smash Bros. Strife « O WiiLY?[…]…

  10. I want Knuckles, tails, shadow, slippy, krystal, waluigi, dixie kong, waddle dee, toad, DAISY (not that bull crap costume), rosalina, bowser Jr., the baby mario bros., funky kong, and birdo. Just do it, you don’t have to do all the characters but please put in knuckles and tails, their bad ass.

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